Trip to Mexico; David Bresnahan; News with Views

I received the following in my e-mail box the other day. It was written by David M. Bresnahan at "News with Views" last week. [I had never heard of that website before, but it looks interesting.]

Dear President Bush:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I
would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border
from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know
you can help with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration
quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do
here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on
my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need,
whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag
pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to
government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to
learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from
Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak
English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my
car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any
complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and
don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and
never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on
the economy.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for
all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox
won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting
with your V.P.
Thank you so much for your kind help.